GOP Presidential Front Runner At Rutgers Class of ’16 Commencement Draws Ire

The vast majority of students, faculty and alumni at Rutgers, The State University have expressed outrage over the decision to invite the GOP presidential front runner to speak at the University’s graduation. Responding to pressure from various on-campus organizations, administrators reversed course and said that the candidate would instead address the student body at an optional gathering¬† at the Rutgers Athletic Center, i.e. “the RAC”, which houses the school’s varsity men and women’s basketball programs. Originally the pre-ceremony commencement speech was scheduled for the football stadium.

the RAC

“Even though I graduated from a fine Ivy League institution like Penn, I look forward to speaking to the young men and women of a quality public college like New Jersey’s state university. And [unlike the Ivy League] most of these kids come from middle class families despite paying tuition and fees up the wahzoo like they would at one of those prestigious rich kid schools. Which is kind of what my whole campaign is about,” the candidate said.

The candidate further expressed discontent with the change of venue for his on campus speech, saying, “I don’t know why some of these kids and profs at Rutgers have a problem with me. I’ll be here to make this school and all of America great again. Who the hell is Rutgers anyway? Some colonial dilettante nobody’s ever heard of? When I’m elected president, we’ll call the place New Jersey U. like every other state in the US does.”

The state’s governor, a staunch supporter of the GOP front runner, was unavailable for comment, but a few students on campus welcomed the news about the university’s choice for commencement speaker. Harvey, from Secaucus Springs, NJ, toasted the news by pounding down a few “jagerbombs” while sitting on the second story deck of his off-campus New Brunswick apartment. “I’ll be at the RAC for sure,” he said. “He says he will make RU men’s hoops great again if elected. They haven’t made the NCAAs since my grandfather was a freshman here. I like it.”

scoreboard

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